jokes

PEMALAK

Seorang polisi menangkap seorang pemalak yang juga
peminum berat. Doi sangat meresahkan masyarakat di
sekitarnya.
Polisi : "Kenapa kamu malak?"
Pemalak : "Terus terang, saya malak supaya dapat uang
untuk beli minuman keras."
Polisi : "Lalu kenapa kamu minum?"
Pemalak : "Supaya dapat keberanian buat malak."
INSINYUR
>
> Malaikat panik sebab pintu Surga tidak dapat
> dibuka padahal di luar
> telah bergerombol calon warga. Lalu Malaikat
> berseru adakah insinyur
> diantara para calon warga untuk memperbaiki
> pintu Surga. Untung, pada hari itu ada 3 Insinyur,
> satu dari Amerika, satu dari Jepang dan satu dari
> Indonesia.
> Pertama Insinyur Amerika, dan setelah diperiksa,
> si Amerika sebut
> biayanya 900 dollar. "Koq, mahal " komentar
> Malaikat, "coba buat
> perincian!!!.." "Ongkos pemeriksaan 200 dollar,
> 300 dollar buat bahan
> dan 400 dollar ongkos kerja ..." kata si Amerika.
> Malaikat terus panggil si Jepang, dia periksa
> sebentar dan bilang
> "Biayanya 600 dollar, 300 dollar ongkos bahan
> dan 300 dollar ongkos kerja".
> Masih belum puas, Malaikat konsultasi sama
> temen2nya, dan dia pikir
> masih mahal. "Coba insinyur Indonesia, kan lagi
> krismon dan banyak yang di-PHK, tentunya perlu
> duit, pasti lebih murah ..." Insinyur Indonesia tanpa
> periksa pintu, langsung jawab "Siap Malaikat,
> ongkosnya 5.600 dollar...!!!"
> katanya. "Buset..., koq bisa lima ribu enam ratus,
> lebih mahal dari yang
> lain.??!!" ujar Malaikat bingung. Insinyur Indonesia
> maju sambil bisik
> di kuping malaikat, "Eh, Malaikat, dengerin ya...
> no-ceng-go buat elu...,
> no-ceng-go buat gua.., yang 600 kasi si Jepang...
> biar dia yang betulin
> tuh pintu... pas kan!!"

BOSS DAN PELAMAR

Boss : "Nama saudara siapa?"
Pelamar : "Prawojo pak ..."
Boss : "Coba ceritakan tentang keluarga saudara
!!..."
Pelamar : "Saya 2 bersaudara, adik saya masih kuliah
di Jogya..., Orang Tua saya tinggal di Surabaya...,
Kakek dan nenek dari Bapak tinggal di Solo..., Kakek
dan nenek dari Ibu tinggal di Semarang..., Paman dan
Pakde semua tinggal di Tegal..."
Boss : "Apakah saudara dapat berbahasa Inggris?"
Pelamar : "Yes .. sir .."
Boss : "Now tell me about your family in English
!!..."
Pelamar : "Sorry sir .. I don't have family in
English..., they're all living in Indonesia"

TEACHER AND STUDENT (1)

Teacher : "Where were u born?"
Student : "Singapore, Sir."
Teacher : "Which part?"
Student : "All of me, Sir."

TOOTH EXTRACTION

Patient : "How much to have this tooth pulled?"
Dentist : "$90.00"
Patient : "$90.00 for just a few minutes work???"
Dentist : "I can extract it very slowly if you
like..."

No offense :P

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a
bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?"
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a
bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my
you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know
what
into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES
FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to
call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"